Tuesday, September 20, 2011


They say love is unconditional. They say the past is the past. They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

They say a lot of things. Who are "They", anyway?

Have "They" walked a mile in your shoes? As far as I'm concerned, "They" can go fuck themselves.

You can pepper your life with cliches, you can quote every idiom you have ever heard, and yet they can still haunt you. The words, thoughts and impressions of others. Those uneducated assholes who think they know it all and are better than everyone else.

These words of supposed wisdom, being older than Methuselah, they linger. They permeate the mindset of so many. Yet are vastly misused and misinterpreted.

How valid are they really? How relatable to reality can they actually be?

The past supposedly shapes who you are today; good, bad or indifferent. You can either learn from past mistakes and grow and move forward, or you can fall into a black hole and never dig yourself out of it.

Sometimes it takes an outsiders perspective to show you that things need to change, but accepting and fulfilling that change is what should matter.

No one is perfect. No one has a life without regret. You can't learn and move forward if you don't fuck up. You can't know good if you've never experienced bad. You can't change if you don't realize a problem.

That should be the true measure of character. The true measure of who you are, who you aspire to be. Who you work tirelessly everyday to become. Not because someone else thinks you should, but because that's what YOU want. (And fuck you for thinking otherwise)

You shouldn't be haunted by the ghosts of your past if all you are trying to do is exorcise the demons and move the fuck on. No one, no matter how much they mean to you should be allowed to make you feel bad for your mistakes. They are
YOUR mistakes. And I am sure they have their own.

Those who point their fingers have 3 more pointing back at themselves. Casting stones from within their glass houses. Glass shattering at their feet, yet still laying blame on everyone else but themselves for their shortcomings.

Its not the road you took that defines you, its what you choose to do when you get to that fork in the road. Do you choose to go back and relive and remake those same mistakes? Do you choose another path, one free of those former obstacles that kept you from the happiness and love you know you deserve?

You kept yourself locked away emotionally for so long, living icily and detached for so long. Allowing things that were not ok for so long because at the time you knew no other way. Because no one had seemingly cared enough to show you there was another way.

You got enlightened. You came to terms with your discretion's. You saw the road you were on wasn't a good one. It was self destructive. And you drastically changed directions.

But its not what you've been doing that seems to matter. Its not the steps you've made to better yourself and the lives of the people you affect daily. No. That's apparently not important.

Every mistake you've ever made, every bad decision, no matter the reason, is tossed in your face like a Slushie on Glee. Doesn't seem to matter if they knew you then, if they weren't a part of your life when things happened. All that matters to them suddenly is their twisted perspective. Their judgemental view on your life prior to them even being a part of it.

They selfishly make your life about them. Well news flash. It wasn't about YOU. It was my life, my mistakes. If I fucked up, that was on me. If I made bad decisions I am fully capable of regretting them on my own. I don't need your help. Your judgement. Your ability to make it all about you.

You should be praising that I acknowledge my mistakes. That I choose to learn and grow from them. That I would die before I ever let myself repeat any of them. That all I want is a better life, for me, for my son, and for those I love.

The present is what I can control, the future. I cannot do anything to change what has already happened, all I can do is not allow any of the mistakes from my past be repeated. To grow up and move the fuck on.

And you may be stuck, digging into things that have nothing to do with you. And you may be miserable focusing on things that I can't do anything about now. But I'm not.

My goal is set. My goal is the now. My goal is the future. And if you can't get over your damn self and you unnecessarily bruised ego, (which again, boggles my mind) than fuck you. And the supposedly white horse you rode in on.

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