Pretending to Be Resolute and Mantras for Another Year

Another one bites the dust.

Calendar day to month to now year ready to be ripped away and added instead to the pages of history. National, personal. A decade gone into the not-so-new millennium.

We inch closer to that infamous 2012 where things are supposedly going to get "all shook up" and the world as we know it a thing of the past.

But if you think about it, the world as we know it is already a thing of the past. Each year bringing new and seemingly unimaginable things. Each new gadget invention making life easier (in theory), each new day bringing new lives and losses of others.

And again the time for resolutions. For lessons learned to turn themselves into mantras for the impending year.

So as I looked back on my resolutions of last year, I must say I didn't do so badly. I can check them off as a success and I can try to wrack my brain on how to make some things happen in 2011.

I will pretend yet again to be resolute. (And whether or not they actually happen is a matter for another day)

I will try to be less reliant on others in 2011. I doubt this will happen as people seem to tell me over and over I am a lot to handle. Not sure if that's complimentary or insulting. But my flair for being a damsel in distress is hopefully being put behind me. No more will I have to call my boyfriend, brother or neighbor that I am on the side of the road like a wounded animal. Having a new car to start off 2011 should hopefully make all distress calls a memory. In theory.

I will try to get myself as out of debt as I possibly can in 2011. Now granted, I realize that this is a difficult task giving the fact I don't make as much as I put out each month, BUT having a roommate moving in for New Years and a second job of sorts I am hoping I can at least function like a normal adult, if only for a brief period, and get my credit in check. I mean, it wasn't as bad as I thought in the first place since they gave me a brand spanking new loan for a car, but still I owe money and I want that stupid monkey off my back. We'll see how that goes.

I will try not to take the people I love for granted 2011. I know that sounds awful, but I can guarantee I don't do this on purpose. I hate feeling like I expect things from certain people, and I don't really. I am ridiculously grateful for my family and my boyfriend and his family and my friends. I am resolving to make more of a conscious effort however for them to KNOW how much I appreciate them and do what I can in return. I'm one lucky bitch.

I will try to see more of my friends in 2011. I feel that in 2010 with kid activities and low fundage I have let my friends fall by the wayside. Now some have dropped completely off of cliffs in a matter of speaking, and sad to say that some I cut out for my own sanity's sake. But others, those tried and true who understood that life had other things for us all this past year, yet stuck around anyway. Dropped a quick email or phone call, even a text message letting you know they were there. Double dates with our significant others? Yeah, let's get together now and then shall we?

I will try to be more diligent with organization in 2011. Ok ok, I admit it. I am not the neatest person on the planet. I mean I don't do like dirt/grime type disorganized crimes, but I am a clutterer. I save things that mean things to me, some that seem ridiculous to other people maybe. BUT I will have places for them. Stored away out of site and not say all over my living room. I will make sure my new car isn't a storage unit on wheels, I will keep it nice and pretty. I will also do my best to do the same at home. I said TRY.

I will cook more meals at home in 2011. Sounds like a simple thing really. Go home from work, grab child, and make dinner. It's harder than you think! You get home and get lazy. Or grab the kid from your mom, who is already cooking so you figure why not just eat there. Or just throw together some sort of microwaveable concoction, not a meal really or a pinnacle of healthy eating, but something that passes as dinner. I actually like to cook. I do, I just need to motivate myself to do it more often. To branch out and try more than the handful of staple recipes I know by heart. Hell I even need to start making my own coffee to take to work every day with my snazzy new Keurig machine.

I will try to lose 20 pounds and have abs of steel before 2011 is over. Yeah this one is never happening but I figure you have to put in that whole I will lose weight and get in shape resolution in there to complete the cliché or it just wouldn't count. And I know I used it as a resolution last year too, and that I DID lose 20 pounds. Couldn't hurt to drop a few more and tighten up the old squishy areas now could it?

Dashed Away All

And just like that it's over.

Ready to pack up and haul all remnants of Christmas like the Grinch who stole Christmas. St. Nick has dashed away all.

All the stressing about shopping and money and staying up all night wrapping pretty packages that are ripped to shreds in a fervor of excitement, gone in the blink of an eye.

No more worrying about who you can or can't get what. No more lists to sift through and wonder if you can pull it all off.

The tree is nearing petrified state even with incessant watering and the lights are starting to sag. The outside lights are covered with the remains of the 2 feet of snow from the day after Christmas blizzard that attacked Massachusetts.

I was so anxious leading up to Christmas. So worried about money and harried about the ability to make sure my son had a good haul from Santa.

By the skin of my teeth I pulled it off.

I spent time with my family, with little to know drama. It was almost like living in a parallel universe.

Christmas Eve with the Boy's family, so wonderfully accepting of me and of Dylan. They have made us feel like a part of their family and it was a nice feeling. To be loved and welcomed by a group of people who don't have to give a rat’s ass about you if they didn't want to, but they do.

Gifts given and hugs shared. And of course the look of surprise as my Love opened his gift, the one he wasn't expecting that I was able to pull out of my ass. That I was able to trick him into thinking he wasn't getting. Score one for the ruse.

Christmas morning I was awakened by the pitter patter of little feet, flying into my bedroom.

"Mama! Santa came!!!"

Followed by him jumping into my bed for a quick cuddle as I tried to wrap my brain around the fact it was already morning.

Off to the living room to ogle Santa's spoils. It's truly a feeling of holiday cheer to watch a child tear into box after box, wrapping paper flying like pieces of a winter storm as they dig in to their prizes.

He was so happy.

I felt for so long this season that I would have a very disappointed kid come Christmas morning, but to the contrary he exclaimed it was the "Best Christmas EVER!"

The 2010 year is inching towards its demise and what a year it's been.

Aside from a few minor hiccups, the year has been great.

I have a new job, and a permanent one at that. I have an amazing man in my life that I love and who loves me back. And now a shiny new car instead of a flaming pile of junk on wheels.

I'm hoping that 2011 can only bring better things. (I know, who IS this optimist?)

Bring it on.