Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The Emotional Ninja
Ever have one of those moments, wrought with emotion, seemingly out of the blue? Like some sort of nonsensical revelation brought on by the most mundane of things?
It's likely nothing, but in that moment, you are entirely consumed. Your life as you know it flashes before you. All that is, was and shall be. And as if in some sort of insurmountable mental catastrophe you let go. Wave after wave you let go; tears, thoughts and even bouts of laughter. All of it.
And out of nowhere. Like some sort of stealth ninja wreaking havoc on your emotions. Triggered inside you like the flashbacks of a victim of post traumatic stress disorder.
Out of the nothing, a great something. And just as quickly as it hit you, it's over. Like a tsunami, result of some small quake, likely nowhere close, or even hard-hitting, out in the middle of nowhere, yet the wave so powerful and consuming.
And this is not like a wave of depression or sadness. It's not even necessarily that of elation or joy. It's just raw and daunting. Exhausting and cleansing.
Thoughts you may not have even realized you harbored, memories and possibilities. Like those scenes out of movies when your life flashes before you in a montage of everything. The then, the now, the what's next.
You haven't had any sort of near death experience. You haven't been ill or sad. It hits you like a freight train. Brought on by anything. A song, a road sign. A quote from a movie, or the words of a stranger. Something minute and nondescript.
You think of things, things that likely will never be and things that are inevitable. A contradiction inside yourself, yet not tormented. It's almost cathartic. A release.
And just as quickly as it started, it's over. You fall into bed, drained and refreshed at the same time. And when you wake, the normal puffiness of the eyes that usually accompanies such a onslaught of emotion are not there. Like all had been a dream. As though it only happened in your mind leaving no physical evidence behind.
Back you slide into your everyday thoughts and feelings. Things possibly anew, but more likely the same. Changed and unchanged in your own mental paradox.
And in true Ninja style, it sneaks off into the night as though nothing ever happened.