Ode to Humbuggery, a Poem

4 days to go and I'm still unprepared.
My son only 5, is completely unaware
The stockings not hung by the chimney at all
I haven't attempted more stops at the mall

The tree though is lit, and drying out fast
If this weather continues I'll end up in a cast
The ice is all black, the snow to my thighs
My contacts are blurry and hurting my eyes

The cards are all sent, though presents are missing
Soon there'll be cheek pinching and relative kissing
I've run out of money, and sanity's sparse
My "holiday spirit" has all been a farce

But soon it's all over, no more to pretend
The Elf on a Shelf can go back in his pen
The tree out the door on the sidewalk for trash
And pray for overtime to make up extra cash

The fervor for months for this one day of "cheer"
For one day of indulgence, overeating and beer
You travel to see all the family at once
Who overanalyze your life, make you feel like a dunce

The unwed mother who can't hold onto a mate
Who is never on time, and who's always irate
She shows too much cleavage, her life is a mess
She lacks self control....but alas, I digress

But after this Christmas, I hope to regain
The bits of my sanity that hopefully remain
To put away each decoration back in their places
In the basement away from the damp musty spaces

So next year I hope that my merriment’s real
That I don't feel alone, and I have holiday zeal
That this Christmas is one to be swept under the rug
And that never again I will be a Humbug.