Monday, June 6, 2011

An "A-Ha" Disaster

So a fellow blogger I follow has been going through hell.

I feel for her. I empathize. I read what she writes, her pain in her writing, her brutal honesty.

I have followed her journey since before her heartache and today she posted something, a phrasing that made me stop in my tracks and think. Just stop in awe and wonderment. An "A ha" moment.

Well, sort of. (and not in the Demetri Martin "sort of", an actual "sort of", like gets my mind working in ways it likely hasn't in far too ling like of way")

She writes over at The Glamorous Life of an Army Wife

And what she thought about, what she put into words that made me stop and mentally shut the fuck up was basically realizing what actually matters.

She looked past the bullshit. Past the hurt, the games. Past the he said/the she said. Past the infidelity and past the lies and deceptions. The mistakes and the disagreements.

She looked deeper. She looked into herself.

She took herself away from it all. Literally.

Took herself away from her own life for a few days, away from her husband, her children. Away. No phones, no contact. Away. Away with her thoughts, her memories. Her fears, her misgivings. Her issues, her pains.

And she came back.

She came back because she had a revelation.

She loved him. She found the power to forgive him.

She had a vision of what people go through like the recent Tsunami in Japan, or the recent Tornado's here in the US. Or victims of wars and other natural disasters that take their loves ones. She realized that if something horrible or tragic were to happen, all she would want was HIM. If she was scared or felt alone, all she would want was HIM. All she would need was HIM.

And not out of dependance and not out of habit, out of love. She knows he's far from perfect, and she knows neither is she, but she knows that together they can be wonderful and strong, and that maybe they just forgot that for a brief moment. And she's determined for them to remember. She did it out of that person needing to be the last thing on earth (aside from children you share, biological or otherwise) that you wanted to see on this Earth should anything tragic happen.

So she is putting everything petty and seemingly trivial behind her. They both are. He, not knowing where she went when she "cleared her head", shaking and wracked with fear and shame she may never return, and she full knowing she actually wants to spend her life with someone who is an actual PART of her.

And no, most people can't do this. Most people can't look past the freaking noses on their own faces. Can't look past their own insecurities enough to actually let someone else in enough to let them have their whole selves. Their whole hearts. Most people just live with the hurt, the blame, and then try their best to move on, never again whole, like Humpty Dumpty, cracked and fragile.

But who would you run to (parents and children aside)? If tragedy struck who would you want to spend your last hours with? Who would your first thoughts go to?

Food for thought I guess.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for the shout out...*kiss*

    You have to ask yourself what you want, and IF the person you are with is capable of giving you that. I know my husband well enough to know it was not some deep-seeded malcontent with our relationship or that he was horny and wanted to screw someone. He let himself fall into a dark hole and compromise who he was. And he needed me, and I didn't know. He didnt want to be weak and tell me, but didn't realize he was being weaker by NOT telling me. That being said, if his ass does it again, his shit will be piled, on fire perhaps, in the driveway. I don't play games with serial cheaters or habitual liars...or my heart.
    Time DOES heal all wounds, but the scars are always there.
    Sorry for writing a


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