Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Damn you reality, damn you straight to hell

Posted Date: : Sep 4, 2007 1:39 PM
Things have been a wee bit on the rough side for me lately. It's like I got back from Idol having a great time and them *BAM* back to reality with a sucker punch to the gut. (sorry had to use Rocky-esque references, I was just in Philly after all)

Money sucks and I am trying to hard to be good. I don't spend needlessly, I don't buy anything that isn't a neccessity (unless it is on some unbelieveable clearance that I would have to be a jackass to pass up, i.e $1.98 belts from Express that were once almost $40)

And that doesn't happen often, if ever.

I go to work and pluck away at my 40 hours a week and even though I did just get a raise with my annual review, I am still not cutting it.

I make too little to survive and too much to get any sort of assistance. It's assinine.

I don't understand how they system works. Maybe it's just in Massachusetts that it is this hard. I know the cost of living here is higher than most places, but still.

How is it that they look at your pay BEFORE taxes, fully knowing that is NOT what you take home to pay your bills with? How is it that they don't look at anything else deducted from your paycheck? I mean really, who is this FICA asshole and why does he get all my money?!

I am lucky enough to have Mass Health right now, but that's up in April and I will have to get it through my job, which means even LESS money to put towards bills because they will take it out of my check to cover me AND Dylan. Ugh. PLUS, I will then have co-pays for all my perscriptions (and there are 5 a month) and then for each doctor visit, no including specialists. It sucks.

I called Mary Lou's to maybe go back to work part time. I just need mroe money. I was so excited to not have to work weekends anymore with this job, but the one thing I liked about weekends was time and a half on Sunday's. There went that out the window.

I am still trying to work the whole Mary Kay thing too, so anyone who wants to order anything or have a party letting me know would be AWESOME. It's not just old lady make-up like in the days of Yore. They have great skin products, and sun products and perfumes, and lotions and bath stuff and a men's line AS WELL AS the great make-up. I am a make-up guru-a-holic and I think they have the best foundation I have ever used!

But, I digress. If that picks up, and I go back to Mary Lou's and work my 40 hours a week at Best Buy I will hopefully be able to afford my life. Not that it's extravagant by any means. But, then I will have less time with Dylan again and absolutely no life, which I am already lacking.

Yay me.

Monday will be a year since my dad died too and that is hitting me pretty hard. I can't believe it's been a year.

I still feel like he was just here and that he should be calling me even as we speak to utter in his own way his need to talk to Dylan. "What's my Dylan doing?", or "Is this you?"

Hearing him talk to the dog at my mom's and rhyming every other word in his own Rossi-Suess way. Laughing at the food stains on the front of his shirt, or the fact that he always wore a belt AND suspenders every day.

I just would give so much for him to be here. No matter how much everything sucked in life he had come magical way of making it all better. After a much needed bitch/yelling/lecture session about my life. He still made things ok.

Why can't anything just be ok? I'm not asking for wonderful or ever great, just ok. Why is that when I think things are finally going smoothly some giant mess is waiting for me, awkwardly hiding behind some good time or positive experience waiting to pounce and make me it's bitch again?

Seriously, WTF.

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