Wednesday, July 22, 2009

The Magic Never Ends

Posted on May 13, 2009 at 8:18am
OK so I had that second "Magical" follow up back in December of my Cuda after my biopsy last May when all the funk with my Magical Organ began. Gotta love the multiple OB visits. Doctor gets more play down there than anyone else in my life, but I digress...

Oh the joys of womanhood. They never tell you in Health class growing up about the possibilities of such fun things to worry about. Never mention words like "Mucus" or "Discharge" and definitely not "HPV" or "Pre-cancerous Cells". Bastards. They need to prepare a girl. Sheesh.

So anyway, Back to December. Apparently my cells in the Magical Organ, the ones that were supposedly wonderful enough to mystically "Heal" themselves, like a devout Southern Baptist at a pulpit dancing for Jesus, were still on the decline. Gulp. Clearly not a good sign as far as my early possible stages for the good old "C" word are concerned.

"Not to worry", they say. "We'll just have you back in 6 months for another Pap and biopsy."

Not to worry?! Are you kidding? Another 6 months of having to wonder if my Cuda is going to fall off and I am going to be left with a mystical black hole where my grily parts once were? Oh no. I can't have that. But alas, I have to put my imagination on the back burner and concentrate on bigger things for the next few months.

So then, I was laid off for a few months. Nothing like having nothing but free time to think about your impending doom and the fact that you think your baby maker is broken beyond all repair. Awesome.

Then comes the added stress of having no money, losing all child support because my son's father is a criminal junkie moron (oh that's a story for an entire NOVEL of a blog, but another day), then losing my insurance because the state of Massachusetts has it's head up its ass (thanks Deval Patrick). Nothing like MORE stress to make you think about the future.

SO now we're here, we're present and in 2 weeks I go back to have my Cuda inspected like a new car ready to see if its drive-worthy. I know I am most likely not going to get some sort of terminal news (well at least I hope), but the fact is that if things are still on the decline, its not looking good.

I most likely have the early stages of Cervical Cancer and am not very excited about my poor supposed Magical Organ poked and prodded and scraped and electrocuted to get rid of it. Sounds contrite I know, but I happen to be a big fan of my girly parts and having them intact means a lot to me, call me crazy.

I always say that my son will be an only child until die. And that’s mostly true. My pregnancy sucked, and let's face it, I am not a fan of baby daddy drama. And let's ALSO face that me and relationships are not friends, due to the fact that I date the mentally/emotionally challenged (more commonly known as the asshole). However, you flat out tell me I CAN'T have more kids, I am gonna naturally WANT them, and then I am going to get upset about it.

Stupid Magic. Why can't this issue be Voldermort and my Cuda be Harry Potter and with a quick swab of some OB over-sized Q-tips vanquish the evil from my Magical Organ and all again be right with the world?

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